Are You Angry with Your Husband?

How many times do we as women become angry with our husbands believing we need to “fix” him? I think most of us tend to do this at some point or another. The fact is that we need to ask ourselves who needs the “fixing” is it our husbands or is it us? In order for a marriage to work according to biblical standards, we each must love one another as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5). The direct scripture states, “Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.  Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.” (Ephesians 5: 21-33 MSG) (Eugene Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved., 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002)

There are questions we can ask ourselves as women that will help our marriages.

1. Are you quick to indicate your husband’s faults, to let him know when he is diminutive of your expectations or to let him know when he is not loving you as God loves you?
2. On the other hand, do you portray love toward your husband, as God loves you focusing less on his faults and more toward your faults and your own need for God’s grace in your life?
3. Can you imagine your marriage if you and your husband practiced unconditional, sacrificial and preserving love?
4. Would there be any more strife, stress, bitterness, built-up baggage, devastation, or divorce?
5. What would your marriage be like if you and your husband gave up your rights to yourselves in order to serve each other would there be a perfect picture in your love toward one another, as God’s love toward us?
6. Do you think you can look at God’s never failing, unending, preserving love for you and see about modeling this love toward your husband?

• God promises He will never leave you (Hebrews 13:5-6), “Don’t be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I’m fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?” (Eugene Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved., 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002) Can you apply God’s promise never to leave you to your marriage between you and your husband? My husband and I recently discussed how when we argue either or of us tend to say, “I’m leaving” or “I just cannot take anymore”; nevertheless, we’ve come to a realization that these words create trust issues and we chose to stop saying them to each other because we want our marriage to work. We chose to apply God’s promise never to leave us in our marriage by saying we will never leave one another.
• God is always thinking the best about you (Psalm 139:17-22 MSG), “Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them! I couldn’t even begin to count them— any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! And please, God, do away with wickedness for good! And you murderers—out of here! — all the men and women who belittle you, God, infatuated with cheap god-imitations. See how I hate those who hate you, God, see how I loathe all this godless arrogance; I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred. Your enemies are my enemies!” (Eugene Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved., 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002)
• God is gentle toward you when you are broken (Psalm 147:2-6 MSG), “God’s the one who rebuilds Jerusalem, who regathers Israel’s cattered exiles. He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and assigns each a name. Our Lord is great, with limitless strength; we’ll never comprehend what he knows and does. God puts the fallen on their feet again and pushes the wicked into the ditch.” (Eugene Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved., 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002) Can you say you are always thinking the best things about your husband? I know that I have not always thought the best things about mine, especially at times when we are arguing or times are difficult. How can we learn to apply God’s promise of thinking the best about us toward our husbands? Is it possible always to think the best about our husbands? I think the best way to apply this is through looking at ourselves and realizing that we aren’t perfect; therefore, we should recognize that we need to think as much of our husbands as we think of ourselves. If we begin thinking about our husbands the way we want our husbands to think about us then we should be able always to think the best about our husbands.
• God promises nothing will ever come between Him and you, (Romans 8:31-39 MSG) “So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.” (Eugene Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved., 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002) Can you promise that nothing will ever come in-between you and your husband? My husband and I have an understanding that we are both flirty; therefore, we accept that fact about one another although it is a fault. We agree not to allow this fact about our personalities to create jealousy that could potentially come between us. If my husband looks at an attractive woman, I accept that he is only admiring another of God’s beautiful creations and not that he is looking at her because he does not love me or because he wants to leave me for her. In truth, it is human nature for men and women to admire one another as long as it does not result in lustful thinking. Moreover, we are learning to discuss other issues that are potential problems that could come between us such as financial difficulties, decision making, etc… together rather than only one of us making choices alone to insure those actions do not come in-between our marriage.
• God delights in you, quiets you with His love, and sings over you, (Zephaniah 3:16-17 MSG) “Jerusalem will be told: “Don’t be afraid. Dear Zion, don’t despair. Your God is present among you, a strong Warrior there to save you. Happy to have you back, he’ll calm you with his love and delight you with his songs.” (Eugene Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved., 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002)
• God loved you so much He was willing to die so He wouldn’t have to live without you, (John 3:16-18 MSG) “ “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.” (Eugene Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved., 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002) Do you delight in your husband sing over him? Do you want to spend time with your husband, enjoying simply sitting in the same room with him? One thing that I do enjoy is watching my husband sleep… I enjoy silently riding with him in the car or quietly watching the sunset. I delight in simply listening to my husband’s voice (although at times he can ramble on for hours). Nevertheless, I do enjoy every moment with him because our time together is unknown other than to God. Each moment is precious together.
• God loved you in spite of yourself and still does, (Romans 5:6-8 MSG) “Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.” (Eugene Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved., 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002) Do you love your husband in spite of himself and always will? In other words, can you love your husband regardless of his moods, spitefulness, malice, vindictiveness, unkindness, goodwill, kindness, etc…? Does he love you in the same manner? I have to admit that I love my husband this way, we have overcome tremendous obstacles in our marriage already, not to mention the issues we overcame prior to our marriage. I have to admit that we both love one another in spite of ourselves.

^“My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!” (1 John 4:11-12 MSG) (Eugene Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved., 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002)

Will you love your husband according to the instructions given you by God, which are as follows?

• Will you love him when he provokes you?
• Will you love him when he is insensitive?
• Will you love him when he is unmistakably unlovable?
• Will you love him when he is unmistakably dishonest and unremorseful?

Loving our husbands when provoked, when they are insensitive, unmistakably unlovable, or unmistakably dishonest and unremorseful is trying; however, through the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit that dwells within us it is possible. When we feel that, we cannot love our husbands during these situations simply pray for the Holy Spirit to give you strength to continue loving him. Regardless of his faults realizing that you as well have faults that he must accept and love as well when he feels you are provoking him, are insensitive, unmistakably unlovable, or unmistakably dishonest and unremorseful. It is a two-way street. Remember to love your husband the way Christ loves you; that way you cannot go wrong.

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,

    or, whine, Israel, saying,

“God has lost track of me.

    He doesn’t care what happens to me”?

Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?

God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.

    He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.

He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.

    And he knows everything, inside and out.

He energizes those who get tired,

    gives fresh strength to dropouts.

For even young people tire and drop out,

    young folk in their prime stumble and fall.

But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.

    They spread their wings and soar like eagles,

They run and don’t get tired,

    they walk and don’t lag behind. (Isaiah 40:27-31 MSG) (Eugene Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved., 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002)

In times that you want to start complaining about what your husband is doing wrong; take time to look in the mirror – what are you doing wrong? Moreover, what would Jesus say about you? Would Jesus complain about what you are doing wrong or would he try to list the good things you are doing instead. Maybe you should take the time to list the things your husband is doing right rather than listing what he is doing wrong.

Mary Garris

4/26/13

References

Eugene Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved. (1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002). The Message Bible. Colorado Springs, CO, United States: NavPress Publishing Group. Retrieved from http://www.messagebible.com